8 Benefits of Journaling Through the Pain of Infidelity

When I found out about my husband’s affair, I was trying to process how and why he would even do this. All I could think about was the horrific details. I was heartbroken.

Every morning I would wake up with intense emotions and find myself flooded with thoughts, my mind racing, and so many unanswered questions. 

I’ve always found journaling to be a way to release emotions. I still see myself as a young girl writing in my tiny journal that you could lock with a key. Writing about boys and how my day went at school. But this followed into my adulthood and found its way into my hands through the pain of infidelity. Having a journal played an essential role in my healing, and I know it can benefit you as well.

Journaling is a therapeutic practice that involves writing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. You can use a notebook or even type on your phone or computer. It can be a powerful tool for recovery.

A glimpse into one of my journal entries two weeks post-discovery

Today feels sad. Some bits of acceptance hit today. Not a full-on rush. But enough for me to know this is real. I felt it after therapy. My life is forever changed. Patrick is forever a different person to me. And I think that's what makes me most sad. Is the person who Patrick was to me. I know there's still good in him. I can't believe I'm sitting on the couch alone. Lonely. Because he decided this. I am and wasn't enough. He cheated on me. He had an affair. Are you serious? Is this real life? Is this my life? Like wtf! I feel numb. I can't even get in touch with my real feelings and emotions right now. 

I can look back at my journals and see the pain infidelity caused me. Reading them now is somewhat difficult, yet I get a sense of satisfaction because I can see how far we have come. And just how flipping hard it has been to get here. We are not where we used to be. Thank God.

 It doesn’t feel this way when you are in the beginning or middle of the trial. You feel desperate and numb. Anxious and depressed. Lonely and angry. Betrayed and hurt. So many emotions, even in one passing day. There were days I felt I would never escape these emotions. I would always say I can’t wait for a year from now. Journaling helped me a lot, especially throughout the first 2 years. 

Here are 10 benefits of journaling through the pain of infidelity:

1. Emotional Processing

There are many ways to process your emotions. And journaling is just one. But can be very impactful. Writing down your feelings can provide just the outlet you need to release emotions related to an affair. You can also do this in a safe, judge-free, and private space.

2. Clarity

It did help me gain some perspective and know if I even wanted to stay in the marriage. I knew there would be consequences to both staying or leaving, and writing things out helped me see that I still loved my husband.

3. Release your Anger

This was a tough emotion for me personally. I felt like I had become this monster and a very ugly version of myself that I hated. I needed a way to manage my anger, and writing helped me purge many dark thoughts. Also, thoughts and feelings do pass, and they change from day to day. You are not your thoughts. And the hard ones do pass, but sometimes you need a safe place to vent. 

4. Stress Reduction

Journaling gives you a sense of control. And right now, you feel anything but! Not keeping your thoughts trapped inside allows some healing and a sense of control over your emotions, which can reduce stress. 

5. Practice Gratitude

It’s hard to think there are still blessings to be seen in such a tragedy. But now is a good time to know that you can still go through something extremely hard and note things you are grateful for today. Write a list. Even if it’s small. It can be anything from a warm home to running water, to the comfort of your animals or children, to time spent with God and loved ones. 

6. Find time to Connect with God

I found journaling to be a great time to be in God’s word, write down scripture and my deepest prayers, and call out for help. God knows your heart, loves you and wants an intimate relationship with you. Try to listen to what God has to say. Things I heard him say.

• He is capable and sees the bigger picture
• Be still and know that He will take care of me
• Don’t be afraid, for I am with you
• Believe and trust in His goodness
• He will show me my path. In due time. But I must trust and believe that He will
• He is a God of justice
• God will see you through this trial

Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens,
    your faithfulness to the skies.
Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,
    your justice like the great deep.
    You, Lord, preserve both people and animals.
How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
     People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house;
     you give them drink from your river of delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
    in your light, we see light.

-Psalm 36:5-9

7. Scientific facts

Equally important are studies that have been done to prove the overall healing physically and mentally that occurs from journaling. Even studies of lowered blood pressure and the ability to cope and manage anxiety and depression. Also, letting go of trauma to help move past worry and self-destructive thoughts. 

8. Forgiveness

The hardest thing of all. Journaling helped me to look back and see how far I had come. How far my husband and I had come. When I had a place to express deep hurt and sorrow, it opened up more space for compassion and empathy. I also came to a place where I didn’t want to be angry and bitter for the rest of my life. I was miserable even though letting go was so difficult. Five years later, I see journal entries from 2 years into recovery, in which I decided to forgive my husband. So forgiveness is a choice, and it takes time.

A glimpse into one of my journal entries 15 months post-discovery day

We have been through so many seasons of life together, and regardless of where we are now or the pain that has been caused, I feel us putting one foot in front of the other. I will admit this is not easy. Somedays are hard, and I wait impatiently for the sadness to pass. With Patrick's tenderness and remorse, and repentance for his actions, it helps me to not stay stuck in my sadness for too long. I've said it before. I feel sadness because of what I thought things would be once we were married, only to feel the floor giving out from under my feet. I feel sad for the purity that is lost. However, I will say I also feel hope. In ways, I wouldn't have imagined just 15 months ago. The Lord is healing us, and how can I feel sad about that? I pray that I can come to a place of forgiveness. Regardless of the pain that exists in our marriage, I know it's something we must go through to get to the other side.

Conclusion

Journaling can help you with the pain of infidelity. As I have said, it can help your healing and recovery and be a safe outlet. The benefits are genuinely positive. You don’t need anything fancy, just a notebook and a pen.

If you have started a journal, what are some ways it has helped you?