Better days are coming

Hope for a better tomorrow lightens the burden of today. Never stop believing. Tomorrow will be better than today. – Olufunke Kolapo

Yesterday marked 5 years since I found out my husband was having an affair. It’s crazy because while it can still feel like yesterday, it also feels like it was a lifetime ago. I was driving home from work and thinking something felt off about the day. What was it? And I realized today was the anniversary of the affair.

Every year since the affair, this time has always been very painful. What was so different about this year? It was almost as if I forgot to grieve for the things I had lost while also finding so much happiness that today felt like just another day.

My husband and I even made love, and I didn’t think about the affair or have any triggers or thoughts. I can say I kept forgetting throughout the day what day it actually was. I’m still sitting here thinking WOW, I NEVER thought I would get to this point.

So what was so different about this year? In this post, I’ll highlight a few things that I think were different 5 years later and why I’m telling you from personal experience that better days are coming for you and your marriage if you hold on and don’t give up.

Number one and most important. We created new memories around this time. I will give my husband a ton of credit on this because he took a great deal of initiative to make this month, and the memories around it very different and wonderful for me.

This year I turned 40, and he took me on a surprise vacation/ birthday celebration to Hawaii. It also just so happens that my best friend lives here. So we got to stay with her and her boyfriend. Gosh. I am so fortunate that she lives on this beautiful island. And blessed. So blessed.

Whether it is Hawaii, Wisconsin, Europe, or wherever I don’t care, even if it’s in your hometown, get out of your environment and get away during the anniversary of the affair. Spend time with your spouse creating something else to remember and think of during this period.

This was our first real vacation, too, since the affair. I don’t want to stay sad and angry. And you don’t either. It’s not worth your life. As the saying goes, life is short, so don’t waste it on your feelings all the time. Learn to let go. I would advise the betrayer to make this time of year overtake past memories for your betrayed spouse. Give them something else to think about.

Second is knowing and having the hope that This, Too, Shall Pass. This quote gives us hope that things don’t stay the same. And the one thing that is inevitable for us all is change. Bad things happen. And they happen to good people.

While you are in the storm, that feels anything but true. But a piece of advice, if you can, is to look back at other life experiences, if you have them, which most of us do, that were unpleasant and really difficult and uncomfortable, and see how God helped you through them. God is with you now.

In the low times, it can be so hard to recall the moments God has blessed and rescued you, especially going through traumatic events such as an affair. Psalm 143:4 says, “Remember what God has done for you. Let His grace and mercy comfort you, and remind you of His unfailing love.” God loves you and won’t let you hurt forever.

Although He says we will suffer for a while, He also says he will restore you. Peter 5:10 says, “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. Hold on to the hope of Jesus Christ.” And the hope that this, too, shall pass.

Lastly, it needs time. And lots of it.

Every year I would tell my husband that I couldn’t wait for it to be another year from now. Because I knew the following year just had to be better than the one we were in. Now exactly 5 years later, I can say I no longer have that feeling. I like where we are. We are in a good place.

Healing has occurred for me and for my marriage. I get to enjoy the present moment and not feel like the future is the only place where I will ever find joy again.

For me to even forget that it was the anniversary of the affair is quite shocking and immensely liberating and shows where I am emotionally. Which I just never thought I would get to. It’s HUGE.

My heart and mind were on other things. What a miracle and blessing that showcases the hard work my husband and I have done to get to where we are. And if we can do it, so can you.

Conclusion

Here are a few quotes from Utterlypositive.com that I love about better days are coming:

All right, every day ain’t going to be the best day of your life, dont worry about that. If you stick to it, you hold the possibility open that you will have better days. – Wendell Berry

Even the worst days have an ending, and the best days have a beginning. – Jennifer Coletta

Just because the past didn’t turn out as you wanted it to doesn’t mean that your future can’t be better than you ever imagined. – Unknown

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. – Desmond Tutu

For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. ‘” — Jeremiah 29:11.

Please don’t give up hope that better days are coming.